Waiter:
Hello Sir and welcome to Kelsey's. May I take your coat?
Customer:
Here, hang it someplace safe, it's cashmere.
Waiter:
Here's our lunch menu. Do you want to hear our specials?
Customer:
Not really, I know your specials better than you do.
Waiter:
What would you like to drink?
Customer:
Is your ice tea sweetened or unsweetened?
Waiter:
We only have sweetened ice tea with lemon Sir.
Customer:
I will have sparkling water then.
Waiter:
I will give you a few minutes to look at the menu.
5
minutes later Waiter brings a bottle of Perrier and pour into a glass.
Waiter:
Have you decided Sir?
Customer:
By the way your glasses have spots on them. I will have calamari as an
appetizer, and balsamic chicken.
Waiter:
Very sorry about the glasses. Chicken comes with a side and a salad.
Customer:
I will have Caesar salad and a baked potato with sour cream and chives. Don't
overcook the chicken. I mean it! Or I will send it back.
Waiter,
bringing calamari and Caesar salad
Waiter:
Here you go Sir, how is everything?
Customer:
I changed my mind, I want French fries instead of the baked potato.
Waiter:
No problem Sir.
20
minutes later Waiter brings the entrée.
Waiter:
Here you go Sir, how is everything?
Customer:
calamari was chewy and salad was not so fresh.
Waiter:
Very sorry about that Sir, would you like me to refill your glass?
Customer:
About time! I thought you forgot about me.
20
minutes later Waiter comes back.
Waiter:
Are you almost done with your chicken Sir?
Customer:
Chicken was cold and dry. And too salty. French fries were soggy.
Waiter
picks up the plates.
Waiter:
I apologize Sir. Would you like to look at the dessert menu?
Customer:
No. Just bring me a cup of coffee and a bran muffin.
Waiter
comes back with coffee and muffin.
Waiter:
Here is your bill Sir. Will it be cash or card?
Customer:
Cash.
Customer
finishes his lunch, grabs his coat and leaves.
Waiter
to himself: Cheapskate left me 5% tip. I hope he chokes on his bran muffin.