This is a good essay, but there are a few things you can do to improve it. 1 In several places I’ve underlined where you’ve used the wrong word or expression, and you need to replace them with one of these words: age, apart, discover, everyone, if, journey, refuse, restrict, share, solution, what, whether. 2 I’ve shown six verbs where you’ve used the wrong form or tense. 3 Please divide your essay into four paragraphs!